This Is An Alaïa: How To Properly Deal With Being A Robbery Victim

How To Properly Deal With Being A Robbery Victim

Kim K.W. Crying Face Image Source: Redbubble

Cher Horowitz Image Source:

Crazy shit happens! & if you're anything like me (Or Cher Horowitz or Kim K.W.) the craziest shit on this green (soon to be brown if we don't do better by global warming) earth happens to you. Like as you're walking down a sun drenched Bay Area sidewalk on an otherwise lovely day in the year of 2012 chatting up one of the members of Le Crew via your iPhone 4 smartphone (I said the year was 2012) & you're accosted, nearly choked unconscious, and robbed for every drop of simple understated gold that you have on. The nerve of some people I am telling you. Reliving it really gets me beside myself because I mean sir, honestly you could of just asked me politely to hand my things over you did not have to choke me. For the love of God! Or maybe even Dark Lord Of The Underworld in your case or whoever the hell you thieves call yourselves worshiping these days. Le sigh. These psychotic things happen to even the best of us. 

So in the name of all things Kim Kardashian West and The Parisian Robbery, we've briefly gotta discuss how to pull yourself together after being robbed.


How To Properly Deal With Being A Robbery Victim

Well obviously bravely and with several touches of grace and high hints of humor.


Speaking super candidly about the incident as vividly and often as possible for as long as you need because conversation cures emotional wounds, and don't tell me that that isn't true because I am a robbery victim and talking about my situation & finding bits to laugh about has definitely done wonders for my otherwise neurotic psyche. You've gotta laugh to keep from crying and give the Gods a touch of your appreciative optimism for making it thru such an ordeal relatively unscathed. Understand that the more you get comfortable with telling the story and realizing that you're a survivor, the more empowered you will feel and less likely you'll be to unnecessarily pull a switchblade, small concealed firearm, or bejeweled pepper spray from your Birkin the next time someone taps you to simply ask you to pass the salt.

The next thing you've gotta do is up your internal security, some part of your intuition was asleep on the job the day of the incident because had ya been paying better attention you may have not been caught slipping (I say to myself over and over again😐😒). Try being far more aware of your surroundings and a little less naive. Though I too would like to believe that this world is full of unicorns & kind people who lovingly pass out delicious drug and gluten free chocolate chip muffins and diamond tennis bracelets, it's not. There are seriously deranged individuals out there who want whatever it is you've got, you have got to stay alert and be more careful. 

The next and final thing that one must do post robbery while possibly living with PTSD is to toughen up, you aren't going to be doing yourself any service of justice by walking around with a self pity cloak on, not saying that you're going to morph into full on superwoman (or man) immediately following your incident but you must allow time to move you on with grace and strength and shape you up into a threat the likes of J.LO after a few black eyes and backhands in 'Enough'.

Image Source: Pinterest

Because really is there anything chicer than a wounded warrior princess who's decided that she's not taking a bit of shit from anyone, anymore ever period???

Yeah no I didn't think so either. 😏

So the next time you find yourself causally strolling down the street quietly dripped in lovely understated gold

Or draped in goo gobs of Givenchy, Balmain or some other Kim K.W. like designer ensemble while minding your own wealthy business in a Parisian hotel room

Or perhaps even deserted in a seedy Los Angeles Liquor Store Parking Lot dolled up in Alaïa a la Cher Horowitz

You'll be far more prepared for whatever wicked may float your way. 


Darling 'I Will Survive (in Alaïa out of respect for Cher Horowitz)' Bonnie

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Chime In Please.

Give me your thoughts on all things Kim K.W. & The Parisian Robbery. Or give us your own tale of thieving treachery and how you've learned to cope in the aftermath. Or just lend your general thoughts on the topic. Go!